final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
