with your own penis?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
