Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
