I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
