Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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