and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
In other news, I just burned my penis
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
