she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
