it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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