Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Houston, we have a squirter
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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