Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
