Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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