the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
