No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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