i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
