if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
