I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
