he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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