well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
