Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
