we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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