even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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