i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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