...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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