my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
