kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
