When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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