i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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