Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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