You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She's the barista slut.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
