If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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