farters have to be the big spoon...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
