I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
