Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
