i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
