she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize