You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
