She's JV to your varsity
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
