I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
