What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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