dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
