I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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