Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
