Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
