He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You're a waste of cheezeits
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
