Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
