I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
