I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
