I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
how drunk are you?
Several
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
