I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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