Your dad touched me again.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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