life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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