Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
