My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
