I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
