saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
