thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
