We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
