My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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