My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
