I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize