UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
even my farts smell like vagina
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
