Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
