you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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