whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
