so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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