if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
