Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
