kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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