dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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