his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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