Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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