I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Are my feet made of real feet?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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