Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
