When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Why is your signature on my underwear?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
