oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
