My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize