Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
