You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
