She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Buhtt sex?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
