I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
