D3 body, D1 cock
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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