Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
