So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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