We need to rekindle our bromance
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
