Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
