i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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