What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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