no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dick very happy bro
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize