oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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