i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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