Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
