he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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