I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
