we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
