just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
