his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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