Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize