He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
