i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
