pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize