Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize